Someone Once Told Me 001 – Nicole Boychuk (I Hate Sex, Illustrator)

In the first few bitter cold months of the past, wretched year I found myself chatting with a friend about how much we mutually disliked Midsommer (2019). After sharing a couple laughs over the half-baked plotline, we started to steer in to more vested conversation (the kind where one walks away learning something they will always keep with them) where I was first told something I would think about each day after: "Your friends are your future".

The above-mentioned friend-in-conversation is Nicole Boychuk. You may know her from past project: I Hate Sex, or her series of illustrations on Instagram, or on a much more personal level lucky enough to call her friend.

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Whatever the connection may be, and for whatever reason you may be here reading this; let me be the first to welcome you to Someone Once Told Me. Short-form conversations with artists and creatives about the best advice they've ever received. 

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Alex Couts: Let's start with some history. Who told you this advice and how do they fit in your life? Where were you when you received this advice?

Nicole Boychuk: The advice came from Nicolas Field, who I met through the community after seeing his band La Luna in 2013. La Luna was the first time I had ever seen someone who looked like me playing aggressive music and having that admiration and inspiration from Vanessa Fever (Vocals in La Luna) compelled me to do the same.

Over time, due to the remote nature of Alberta, IHS and La Luna formed a strong touring bond with one another, sharing each others' cities weekend after weekend and being perpetually inspired by the community they were experiencing and the art they were creating.

Eventually, La Luna moved their operation to Toronto and Nicolas and Vanessa became a part of the beloved New Friends Fest. In 2018, IHS was able to play their final show as NFF headliner. After flying in a couple days ahead of the rest of the band, Nicolas and I were on our way to the airport for them, discussing future endeavors and ambitions.

absorbing the luxury of the moment, Nicolas mentioned in passing "Your friends are your future" while talking about the insanity that we were even able to be there--doing music at such a complete level--entirely because of the steps we had taken in one another's lives.

That is what caused me to think more about what had happened entirely leading up to where I was in that moment. That there would never be any possibility of doing anything like this without the engagement of friends. Fully understanding the weight of the connections and people that you will meet, and how they will inform the steps you take to the different places in your life.

I need to mention this isn't networking or some business connection, this is about seeking the company you keep to be there to build you up and help you grow due to the love that they are there to show you. It's about finding the people in your life that will mean the most to you and working hard to keep them there.

A: Noting that IHS is much a past part of your life, how do you find yourself applying the advice forward in your life?

N: IHS is a closed chapter of my own life now, that has its own fondness and nostalgia, so the phrase takes on a new meaning for me than it did in that moment when I first heard it.

I think of it as a measure of mindfulness, returning to it most when watching the shallow performance of social media unfold in front of me most days. I see people engaging with others across platforms, with clear intentions of their statements and actions being only for personal gain.

There's a lot of concern coming from people to be strongly individualistic, and present that forward as much as they can through platforms. From my view, it would seem like we could all learn to be better to one another if there was effort to be less individualistic and focus on connecting with people in whole ways and be able to look back on things with sentiment.

This interview for example; I am not thinking about this as "Alex is going to write about me and my band and then so many people are going to read it and the art is going to be so much more popular," .. I am thinking about waking up tomorrow morning being happy that we got to spend this time together to talk about something meaningful and sentimental we share with one another and be that much closer because of it. There is a rather simplistic nature to it all, and the value of the moment in connection and what that adds to the foundation of our relationship is much more important to me than whatever may become of this piece.  

A: You drew the intentions of this series right out of me. The whole reason I started this was to create focused opportunities to have engaging and meaningful conversations with friends, strangers, and whoever else has something to share. I'm not here for personal gain, and the goal of putting better advice into the world is only secondary. Maybe it's selfish, but I mostly want to hear what my friends have to say about their life experiences. SOTM is just a catalyst to have that conversation.

A: Who needs to hear this advice? What kind of resolve do you imagine this bringing to someone hearing it for the first time?

N: I think people exploring new creative ventures, especially those with a method of exchange in some way, would benefit from hearing this the most. Especially after this past year, people will need this idea re-enforced after being so distant from one another, and not having as immediately apparent feelings of community and friends.

It hasn't been as easy to see the little red strings that connect us through everything this past year.

A: red strings?

N: Like a PI mapping out their investigation. Think about it this way: if one of us is at the top of the mountain, whatever accomplishment that is, everyone that was involved or we experienced in getting there are the stones that lead us up the path. I'm thinking a lot about Tim Richard right now, who was like IHS's secretary.

... the I Hate Sex-cretary..

A: nice.

N: We would spend eight or so hours a day together through classes in university, which is how we came to know one another and he came to be involved with the band. He was never an "official" member, but IHS would have never been what it was without his efforts. He put together promo materials, did merch, came to countless shows, helped us out with places to sleep. We would have never survived as a band if it weren't for the kindness and love that Tim showed us. If that relationship never existed, none of IHS would have been known for what it is.

A: Let's wrap everything here together with one last present, future outlook: how has this advice influenced how you live and interact with others?

N: I think the way the advice has impacted me is putting value in the connections and the little red strings that connect all of us, and create something bigger than any of our respective individuality.

Lately, I've been hard at work putting together a discography release and have learned that the process is leaning on those past relationships more now than ever. Feeling much as if there is no reason why anyone should be helping out with this, but finding that they are because of the cemented and personal natures of our relationships. There are so many people out there in the world, some I've never even met in person, that are willing to give parts of themselves to this effort.

It's been a gift to realize so fully that the people you surround yourself with, and have made it into your circle, are there for a reason. They are choosing to be there to share their kindness and love with you because of the love that you have shown them, and that beauty is so needing to be appreciated.
I made a tweet earlier this year (and then probably deleted it) during a rougher time that read something like: "there are people in your life who put up with your shitty existence for whatever reason, you need to thank them for that."

A: retweet.

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I Hate Sex was a screamo band from Edmonton, and Nicole Boychuk is the bleeding heart of meaningful connection that anchored the group's sound over the years. As written in the sacred scripture of skramz and needs to be remembered now more than ever: "skramz is for friends, but there is no happy here"

Someone Once Told Me is a collection of conversations with artists and creatives about the best life advice they have ever received. Our logo is by Nicole Boychuk and my name is Alex Couts and I'd love to hear what you have to say. Drop a line on Twitter @VirusesForFree or just shout profanities at me from a moving car. Both are equally effective. 

Niiice. Kiss 2020 Goodbye with Explosive New Single "$20 Mints"

This one took me by surprise. Minnesota rockers Niiice. are well known for their hard-hitting Midwest emo tunes and always-entertaining internet presence (Twitter account #3 still going strong!), but what they deliver on their new single “$20 Mints” is a refreshing new tone for the group. Don’t let the compact package fool you; Roddie, Sage, and Abe make a hell of a statement in just one minute and twenty-four seconds.

The tune kicks off with overlaid guitar feedback and a wonderful sample of Michael Scott at his financial rock bottom before it quickly breaks into form with crunchy strings anchored by a tom-heavy drum beat. This dark and full-bodied sound fits perfectly with the lead vocals, which soar over the heavy but restrained instrumentals. Before too long, the sound starts building in volume and intensity, then explodes into a ferocious chorus featuring some phenomenal screams from Roddie. As quickly as the song gets going, its climax comes quickly and transitions directly into a swift ending. “$20 Minds” is a tune with no fat on its bones; it’s a great show of a band committing, throwing themselves at a track, and burning through it.

Despite its unexpected style, “$20 Mints” isn’t a brand-new song, as evidenced by the live recordings of it that date back as far as summer 2018. The song’s namesake comes from a marijuana-rich tour through Chicago with fellow Minnesotans Harper’s Jar, who put out a fantastic single “Ode to Space Lady” earlier this year. The fact that “$20 Mints” has been rattling around in the band’s toolkit for a while suggests that this may not be a complete shift in direction for Niiice., although it’s a welcome addition to their impressive output as of late. Only a few months off the heels of their LP, Internet Friends, “$20 Mints” contributes a slow and heavy sound to Niiice.’s catalog that I’d definitely encourage everyone to check out. The band keeps their edge while delivering a perfect slow-burn that blows up into one of the best barnburners of the year so far. When live shows return, this will be a song to go absolutely nuts to, and I for one, can’t wait.

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Jack Hansen-Reed is an avid music fan from Omaha, Nebraska with a passion for all things DIY. In his free time he enjoys sticking it to the man, cheering on the Cubbies, and drumming in indie-americana act Bearwithus. Send him any music recommendations on Twitter at @jhansenreed.

Finding Balance Amidst Chaos - An Interview with Portrayal of Guilt

Photo: Addrian Jafaritabar

Content Warning: This article discusses themes of self-harm and suicide.

It’s very easy to get hung up trying to describe the sound of Portrayal of Guilt. Is this hardcore? Perhaps it’s black metal? Could it even be screamo? Ultimately, these questions are merely distractions because all that really matters is that the music is straight-up brutal. The band is adept when it comes to infusing their caustic fury with elements of hardcore, black metal, harsh noise, even ambient, and their sophomore LP, We Are Always Alone, is a perfect distillation of this collage. 

“The Second Coming” kickstarts the album with dizzying riffs and thunderous blast beats that prop up Matt King’s throat-shredding snarls. In just thirty-three seconds, the song shifts to a refrain that is indebted to screamo before a coda of eerie ambient sounds wraps up the track. In just one minute and thirty-nine seconds, Portrayal of Guilt is able to deliver a thesis of who they are as a band; they make music that is intense, loud, challenging yet rewarding, and most importantly, downright evil. 

The album is a document displaying how Portrayal of Guilt has grown as a band. Let Pain Be Your Guide, the group’s debut album, drew the blueprint of what was to come; it’s a hardcore album that dabbles with foreign sonic textures. We Are Always Alone finds Portrayal of Guilt in a state of balance as its influences come in and out of focus, serving the songs with efficiency. 

It must also be noted that Matt King’s lyrics are incredibly sharp on We Are Always Alone. While at times challenging to decipher due to his visceral shrieks, King’s songwriting explores themes of despair, pain, and death. “My Immolation” tells the story of a person who is dissatisfied with their life and resorts to burning themself alive in their house. King examines this sorrow with unflinching clarity singing, “I’ve never felt so alive. / My vision fades away as I watch my skin and bones melt / away and turn to ash. / This is where I belong.” It’s a bleak and harrowing sentiment. While many of the songs could be seen as suicidal, King is in no way glorifying self-harm; rather, he is analyzing the emotional and mental anguish of a person struggling with such thoughts.

These lyrical motifs help to bolster the sonic menace created by the band, resulting in a listening experience that is taxing yet gratifying. Portrayal of Guilt brings a lot to the table; the lyrics are dour but sharp, and the instrumentation is abrasive and exhilarating, this allows listeners to view their work from myriad angles. Personally, I was introduced to the band from a metal perspective, and I found the genre tag to be fitting. It’s exciting when a band can be embraced and shared by fans of multiple scenes. While the group might not be a crossover act in the traditional sense, they are a band that moves between subgenres without alienating fans. No matter how you view them or what genre you ascribe to Portrayal of Guilt, all that matters is how hard We Are Always Alone rips.

To get a sense of where the band is coming from, we spoke with Portrayal of Guilt’s singer and guitarist, Matt King.

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The band’s genre and sound always seems to be a hot topic when you are being talked about. With the release of We Are Always Alone, it’s easy to see why people are so interested in this discussion as the album features elements of black metal, hardcore, harsh noise, and ambient, yet you have previously stated that, to you, Portrayal of Guilt merely is punk. What does it mean to you to be punk and to make punk music?
Punk, in my opinion, means having complete artistic freedom, where no preconceived rules or ideas exist. Creating something out of nothing based solely on what you enjoy and completely ignoring any thoughts or opinions on the outside while holding nothing back. Just genuinely doing you. That's just my first thought. We're not trying to please anyone, we're just having fun and doing what we want to do, no exceptions.

As a follow-up, what do you think of fans’ discussion of your genre and sound? To me, it shows the band’s versatility and appeal.
I think it's funny as much as it is interesting to see what people think about what we're doing. None of it matters, though we appreciate anyone taking the time to listen to us and give their thoughtful opinion. Call it black metal, hardcore, whatever. None of it is taken into consideration.

Many of the songs on We Are Always Alone are longer than those on previous releases while also seemingly pulling from more genres than before. Was this a conscious effort on your part to go longer and diversify your sound, or was it more of a natural progression?
It was 100% natural progression. Personally, my attention span is so short I can't even get through longer songs as a listener, so the fact we were able to put together a 4+ minute song is pretty incredible.

Your lyrics are often bleak and brutal, featuring themes focused on depression, failure, pain, and suffering. When it comes to constructing a song, do you write lyrics to serve the sound of the music, or is the music meant to serve the anguish depicted in the lyrics?
The lyrics are written and then altered to cater to the music when it comes time to record, though those are two completely separate things.

Texas has a rich punk and metal history. Do you see yourselves as descendants of previous Texan bands and scenes? If so, do you draw inspiration from any of these bands, and is there a certain amount of pride in being known as a Texan band?
No, not really. I can't say we were ever embraced by the scene here, but that might be by choice. We have made a point to follow our own path, although we have massive respect for the Texan bands before us. We will always claim Texas, of course. That's where we're from.

We Are Always Alone was released by Closed Casket Activities, but you also operate your own label, Portrayal of Guilt Records. What made you want to start your own label? What can we expect from future releases?
It has been a goal since we started to operate as a band and as a label, where we're able to release our own records as well as records for our friends and affiliates. We're working on creating our own realm. I only started taking the label seriously as of a couple of months ago, but you can expect multiple cassette and vinyl releases down the line from those friends and affiliates. I'm looking forward to seeing how far we can take this idea.

The album was recorded during the pandemic, and the idea of the “pandemic album” seems to be discussed ad nauseam, yet it holds some merit as every person is affected by the pandemic. Is We Are Always Alone a response to the pandemic in any sort of way?
Not at all. We wrote this album months before the idea of an upcoming worldwide pandemic existed, although it was recorded at the beginning of the lockdown in our area. Perhaps that had an effect on the energy presented within.

With touring postponed for the foreseeable future, are you pivoting to other methods such as livestreams in order to promote the album?
I don't really like the idea of a livestream, personally. We recorded and edited a video of ourselves playing a few songs recently, but even then, it was nowhere near the same energy as a live show. We'd prefer just to wait it out. With no touring going on, it helps us focus on writing for more upcoming releases, which we have planned for the rest of the year.

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Connor lives in San Francisco with his partner and their cat, Toni. Connor has an MFA in creative writing and is working toward becoming a community college professor. When he isn’t listening to music or writing about killer riffs, Connor is obsessing over coffee and sandwiches.

Follow him on Twitter or Instagram.

The Best of January 2021

Well, it’s January, and that means we’ve entered another terrible, horrible, no-good-year. January is one of my least favorite times of the year for no particular reason other than the fact that it feels like a month-long Monday. Getting “back to it” has never been harder than it was this year, but, as usual, music helped me make it through. 

New music is especially exciting in January because all of it feels fresh. There’s just something cool about seeing that “2021” at the top of a newly released album, even if the novelty wears off quickly. It’s refreshing to start on a clean slate when it comes to music, even if most of what I’m listening to still comes from previous years.

Despite the fact that COVID has thrown off pretty much every album rollout in existence, we have still received a wealth of fantastic new tunes this month. As usual, I wanted to write about all of these excellent new pieces of music, but reality had other plans. I quickly came to terms with my fickle inspiration, realizing that I can’t write full reviews, premieres, or detailed breakdowns about all of my favorite music no matter how hard I tried. My mind went back three years to 2018, where I composed short new music round-ups at the end of each month, which allowed me to highlight some of my favorite releases from the preceding 30-some-odd days. 

I figured why not pick that effort back up again and see how far I can take it? Writing about that many new releases each month was taxing, but it also forced me to keep up on new music and kept me from overthinking my writing. Will I keep this up all year? Probably not. Will I try? You’re damn right. Enough preamble. Without further adieu, I’m excited to present my favorite pieces of new music from January of 2021.

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Camp Trash - Downtiming

Count Your Lucky Stars Records

First up, we have the debut EP from Florida’s hottest new emo-pop act. Emerging as an enigmatic anomaly, Camp Trash was one of those bands that managed to steadily gain buzz on Twitter, eventually leveraging that hype into a record deal with Count Your Lucky Stars despite not having a single song publicly released. Opening track “Bobby” is a bouncy and energetic emo track that’s equal parts Oso Oso and Get Up Kids. Whether it’s the ragged “Sleepyhead,” the acoustic “Potoimno,” or the anthemic “Weird Carolina,” it’s hard to think of anything that’s missing from Downtiming. It may only be 12 minutes long, but this is a tremendous little emo release with just enough pop sensibilities that you’ll be singing along to these tracks in your car in no time. If Downtiming had been released in the early 2000s, this EP would have been lauded as much anything off of your favorite Vagrant Records release.

Beach Bunny - Blame Game

Mom+Pop Music

One year ago, half of the music industry saw Beach Bunny as a “TikTok Band,” a dismissive label for a group that managed to garner millions of streams based thanks to their confessional songwriting and sharp hooks. The fact that their songs went viral on TikTok wasn’t key to their success; it was proof that they were on the right track. After a string of fantastic EPs and singles, Beach Bunny released their debut album in February of 2020, an album that unilaterally proved the group’s success was no fluke. Centered around lead singer Lili Trifilio’s defiant voice and effervescent melodies, Honeymoon announced Beach Bunny’s arrival in earnest. One year later, they’ve given us Blame Game, a four-song EP that acts as a follow-up to the feelings explored on last year’s LP. Focusing on the same topics of love life, shitty guys, and sexist double standards, Blame Game shows that Beach Bunny is here to stay, and I cannot wait to see what sugary sweet bubblegum melodies their next release possesses. 

Abe Anderson - Seasick Lullaby 

Brace Cove Records

Much like pirates would eat a lime or lemon to stave off scurvy; I need a steady diet of brass and horns in my music to feel genuinely at peace. That’s why it was so refreshing to hit play on Seasick Lullaby and be greeted with two minutes of triumphant horns that warmly welcomed me into the release and gently caressed my soul. I shouldn’t have been that surprised, as Abe Anderson is most known for his work in Minneapolis groups like Niiice. and Thank You, I’m Sorry, both of which have no shortage of gorgeous brasswork courtesy of Anderson himself. However, what did come as a surprise is how brilliantly Anderson’s voice stands on its own. Whether it’s the winding wistfulness of the album’s title track or the head-over-heels adoration of “Love You More,” every song on this release possesses the same fuzzy, hazy, dreamlike feel-good quality which makes this record an absolute treat to listen to.

Cicala - Cicala

Acrobat Unstable Records

If bands had commercials, Cicala’s would probably be pretty close to that oft-quoted Reese’s commercial. I can practically hear the dialogue, something along the lines of “Hey, you got your emo in my country!” to which the other party would reply, “You got your country in my emo!” The result wouldn’t be a chocolate-covered peanut-buttery confection, but Cicala. Opening with a jangly guitar and lyrics of a truck stop in Oklahoma, this album blends emo stylings with country licks to an immensely satisfying degree. The album ranges in scale from Red Rocks to a lowly worm, all of which are filtered through Quinn Cicala’s pleasant delivery and emotionally-intelligent perspective. An amber-coated album made for porch beers and mountain excursions.

Cheekface - Emphatically No.

New Professor Music

“Everything is normal,” the three members of Cheekface repeat monotonously at the beginning of “Best Life,” echoing a mantra that most of us have tried to convince ourselves of over the course of the last 365 days. After a brief instrumental interjection and takedown of Portrait mode, lead singer Greg Katz exclaims, “we are writers! creatives! we work remotely!” and I was hooked. Now, I know I’m a straight white guy, and most music is created by people who share those qualities, but it was still striking to hear my recent day-to-day experience reflected so clearly in song form. From there, the track goes on to discuss everything from furiously Juuling to getting a stick-and-poke of a Gucci logo because it’s cheaper than therapy… And that’s just one song. Emphatically No. is a hyper-detailed and charming depiction of a definitively un-charming world, all of which is delivered in a plainspoken style reminiscent of Parquet Courts with lyrics that evoke Stephen Malkmus. It’s a portrait of a very specific place in time from a very specific millennial perspective, but if you identify with any aspect of it, you’re guaranteed to see a piece of yourself reflected here to a remarkable and affirmative degree.

Cathedral Bells - Ether

Spirit Goth Records

When most people think of DIY music, they probably picture four skinny, weed-smoking white dudes tapping on guitars making midwest emo music. That’s certainly a visual that’s easy to call to mind, but it’s not representative of the entire DIY scene… not by a long shot. DIY includes hardcore groups like For Your Health, Gilt, and Hazing Over. It has pop acts like Get Tuff, Jhariah, and Cheem. It covers ska powerhouses like Jer and Grey Matter. It ranges from acoustic bedroom pop like Jungheim and Loser Camp to grungy rock acts like Bombastic Dream Pussy  and Oceanator. There’s shoegaze, punk, lo-fi electropop, and more. In short, it’s unfair to paint the “DIY Scene” as a collective of a few dozen midwest emo groups. Now, with Cathedral Bells, we finally have DIY goth music. Complete with buoyant bass lines, gorgeous reverberating guitar riffs, steady electronic drumming, and far-off shoegazey vocals, Ether is the perfect record for someone in the DIY scene who also happens to love bands like The Cure and New Order. 

Mikau / ps.you’redead - razor x blade

Chilwavve Records

Last year, Mikau unleashed their debut album Phantoma on the world. Upon my first listen, I was instantly transported back a decade to my senior year of high school, where I was listening to nothing but screamo every waking hour, much to the chagrin of those around me. Now, razor x blade sees the group teaming up with Buffalo “danceviolence” band p.s.you’redead for a chaotic 9-minute split that winds from auto-tuned croons to jagged and thrashy pandamonium. It’s a feast for the ears and a nostalgic throwback to anyone who spent hundreds of hours in high school listening to turn-of-the-decade post-hardcore while playing Modern Warfare and downing Mountain Dew.

Shame - Drunk Tank Pink

Dead Oceans

Fitting that this roundup should end with Drunk Tank Pink since Shame’s debut is one of the albums that kicked off my tradition of monthly round-ups all the way back in 2018. For the most part, Drunk Tank Pink finds the band continuing to build their fresh-faced take on post-punk while also pushing at the edges of what the genre can do. Lyrics walk the line between serious and self-deprecating while their deliveries can range from across-the-the-room shouts to poetic dinner-conversation-level monologues. Guitars jangle and strum forward in angular ways as opposed to straightforward riffage. The rhythm section rises and falls with a dynamic range rather than arrow-straight precision. It’s quite literally the perfect sophomore record in that the group didn’t lose anything that made their debut feel so fresh and attention-grabbing, yet they also managed to progress their sound forward in new and exciting artistic directions. 

Quick Hits

Get Tuff - in sickness and hell - Dark DIY electropop that’s as demonic and blood-drenched as it is catchy and 🥺

Tiberius - Lull - One of my biggest surprises of the month, this DIY release helmed by Brendan Wright is evocative of indie rock greats like Broken Social Scene. Read our full review here.

The Sonder Bombs - Clothbound - An album full of deep feelings armed with acerbic lyricism, boppy melodies, and charming amounts of ukelele. Read our full review here.

Portrayal Of Guilt - We Are Always Alone - A violent, ever-rageful, and always-changing sophomore album from one of the most exciting bands in the hardcore scene.

Arlo Park - Collapsed in Sunbeams - A chill, vibey, and lovestruck album that seems designed for laid-back Sunday mornings and wistful afternoons.

Joe Vann - Found in the Smoke - One dash of emo, one pinch of Americana, and a big heaping helping of synthy embellishments, Joe Vann’s surprise-released debut album is a relaxing modern Americana outing.

The Sonder Bombs – Clothbound | Album Review

How many friendships have ended because of COVID-19? I don’t have enough fingers to count the number of people I love who have shown a completely different side of themselves over the past year. We’ve watched people refuse to wear masks and stay home by the thousands, all because it infringes upon their “personal rights.” High-risk folks should just expect to die, right? We’ve watched people protest the closure of Disneyland but remain completely silent in the face of widespread racial injustice. This entitled community flocks to brunch in enclosed igloos but refuses to assist their unhoused neighbors on the streets. We’ve watched people do all of this and more, all because the alternative is slightly more inconvenient for them. I’ve discovered these selfish, narcissistic people not just in the world around me as some reckless “other,” but that they exist in my friend groups, role models, and even my family. As deadly and horrific as this pandemic is, the one bright side is that it has helped me filter these toxic people out of my life.

Even with the worst in plain view, the pandemic has also made me realize what’s important to me, and it’s not going out to bars and partying, but building deep connections with the people I hold closest to my heart. It’s easy to mistake your friend group as kind-hearted, but that’s not always the case. I still miss these people and think of them often, but then I realize I’m missing only fractured memories. Positive memories of late-night drives across state lines, screaming along to emo songs, and smoking in 7/11 parking lots get buried by feelings of anger and hatred towards people I thought I’d always be able to fall back on. I cried more often than not in 2020 but learned that it’s okay to cry--even cool. But puns inside, I realized that being sensitive and vulnerable isn’t a weakness, but actually a strength. Clothbound, the sophomore album by The Sonder Bombs, came at a time when I was struggling with feelings of inadequacy, tenderness, anger, and loneliness. This record carefully and precisely fleshes out each of these emotions in loving detail. 

With emotions and sensitivity on full display, The Sonder Bombs have crafted a masterpiece of a comfort album. But it wouldn’t be a Sonder Bombs release without some absolute bangers. Lead single “What are Friends For?” established the group’s mission statement early on. Clothbound isn’t a record about external relationships beginning or ending; it’s about Willow’s internal relationship with their sensitivity and self. It is watching the growth in real-time through Willow’s encapsulation of the full range of human emotion and gender expression. When I listen to this album, I find a home in Willow’s portrayal of sensitivity. I consider myself an overly sensitive person, and I found peace and solace in the fact that someone else shares these emotions that can sometimes feel larger than life. Not only that, but they are able to grapple with these feelings and put them into songs that help me feel less isolated in this time of turmoil.

“Crying is Cool,” the second single released off the album, is the quarantine comfort song. “Netflix and a box of wine”? Yeah, that happens quite often. Am I gonna cry to whichever movie I put on? Probably. Between the nurturing lyrical content and summery flower-adorned music video, this song set the upbeat poppy tone for Clothbound with a track that’s not afraid to talk about feelings. Even the title conveys an evocative message. Whether it’s “Cr-crying is cool” or “F-feeling is fine,” the stuttered sentiments that close out each verse makes it feel like Willow is trying to convince themselves of these things in real-time. We hear them hesitating and nervous but also trying to build themselves up, growing into the affirmations as the song ends. It is the perfect tune to keep us holding on for spring weather and better times. 

Of course, with emotionally charged lyrics comes banging riffs. The hypnotizing dance party that is “Vegas BABY!!!” is brilliantly carried by Kevin Cappy and Jimmy Wilkens’ staple guitar and bass lines. The Sonder Bombs always deliver with the most catchy riffs and incredible articulation of pure emotion into each note played. The chorus’s back and forth vocals make for a dance party as vibrant and sophisticated as the lights of the Vegas Strip. We even get a taste of synth that shines and shimmers to a prismatic effect. This album is fuller than any other Sonder Bombs release thanks to support by Joe Reinhart, who recorded, mixed, and produced Clothbound. This is the most profound Sonder Bombs release yet, and the album is not only heartfelt but enchanting and magical thanks to songs like “The One About You.” The band has completely opened themselves to create an album that is relatable, masterly put together, and chock-full of passion. 

A departure from the sharp femininity and perfectly placed rage of Modern Female Rockstar, Willow fully opens their heart on Clothbound, realizing the feelings that lie beneath anger are equally as important. Both “Swing on Sight” and “k.” provide us an outlet for rage, complete with riffs, breakdowns, and even screams that welcome you to join in on the vent session. But, without neglecting those feelings of anger, the band has found that feeling a full range of emotions helps make peace with those angry thoughts. In Clothbound, each emotion holds significance. It’s growth in every regard. 

When I saw The Sonder Bombs in 2019, I identified with Willow in many ways, but mostly with my place as a woman in the scene. Within the time since, Willow has opened up to identifying with all pronouns. This album shows the depth of emotions that comes with finding your non-comforming place in the world and especially the music scene. Similarly, during that same time, I have transitioned into being nonbinary. This album is a whole new level of reassurance for a femme-presenting person in the DIY scene. To every sensitive nonbinary, this one is for your tender heart. 

Willow’s pure gentleness, combined with the elegance of a soft rainstorm in “Scattered,” creates a somber lullaby. Jer Berkin’s drums are what guides us on this soft-spoken track. With lyrics such as “seaside ashes scattered in someone else’s backyard,” a picture is painted of some broken midwest kids attempting to find closure in the complex process that is grief. This song takes me back to the sorrow embedded in Willow’s performance of “Pindrop” at the House of Independents on the 2019 Just Friends tour. As a then-unreleased song, I spent weeks trying to track down a recording and the lyrics. Every part of that performance stuck with me as I was currently picking up the pieces from the death of a loved one. The Sonder Bombs comforted me then, and they comfort me now with Clothbound.

There is delicacy and strength in being soft-hearted. This album is an all-consuming thesis on emotions, one in which we listen to Willow process and work through their feelings in real-time. Over the course of the album’s 31 minutes, we witness the band wrestle with emotions of every size, type, and capacity. By the time we get to the last song, “Play it by Fear,” we are dealing with Willow’s self-doubt in which they examine their rage that simmered over on the previous track. The group had just let out a whirlwind of anger on “k.” Despite the fact that Willow had spent the entire release trying to convince both themselves and the listener that these feelings are valid, they find themselves turning inward, entering a period of reflection, and beating themselves up. The lyric “wish I was free, not locked in a cage” conveys that although Willow spent the last nine songs with every emotion on full display, they still resort to locking themselves away for feeling. Full of regret and uncertainty, Willow realizes that the burden of support cannot be a solitary act. Upon the final verse of the album, Willow finds themselves reflecting on their place in the world and still feeling lost. The final lines echoing the sentiment, “I’m too big of a narcissist,” showing the need they are still left with: love and admiration from others.

Clothbound is an album about picking up the fallout of a heart cracked wide open. Yet in all the jumble of emotions, The Sonder Bombs manage to make peace with their enemies. Whether these enemies are internal or external, serenity is found through forging self-love and acceptance. In the rush of emotions that is life, recognizing your feelings is an essential part of growth and a vital part of your relationships. Clothbound stands as a monument to feeling. It’s a reassurance that emotions are okay to feel in full-form. It’s a reminder to never back down from those feelings, because that’s who you are at your core.

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Ashley Bedore is a disabled, queer music lover living in Denver, CO. They can usually be found with a record spinning, head buried in communist theory, with cats on either side. As a sociology major with a never-ending love for the DIY scene, Ashley enjoys discussing accessibility and collective care in the scene to foster spaces where every single body belongs. Follow them on Twitter at @emomarxist.