The Most Petable Dogs In Music

Dogs. They’re everywhere, maybe even in your own home. You might know them as Man’s Best Friend, but I’d argue they’re even more than that–they’re art. 

I’ve always been a dog person. My family has had two dogs; Inca (rest in peace) and Miracle. They’re both Keeshonds and both very good girls. I’m just doing a ballpark estimation, but I’d guess that I’ve taken dozens of gigabytes worth of photos and videos of both of them over the last sixteen years. They’re cute, and I love them!

It only makes sense that musical artists have the same connections with their dogs, so it’s no surprise why many of them have immortalized their pets (or other people’s pets) on the covers of their albums. 

Go on, just think about it. You can probably name a few off the top of your gear right now without even trying. As far as album covers go, I’d like to make a bold and substanceless claim that no other creature within the album kingdom has been as well-represented as canines. Big guys, small guys, fluffy guys, feral guys, they’re all here in some form or another on various album covers from indie rock to experimental bullshit. 

In this article, I’d like to rank these famous pups by how much I’d like to pet them personally. I’d also like to give the clarifying asterisk that I think all of these dogs are good boys and girls. This ranking is no judgment on the dog’s looks or the artist’s music, purely how much I would personally like to curl up with the dog we see on the album art. 

Secondary asterisk: don’t you dare contact me and tell me that I “missed one.” This is all of them, every dog that’s ever existed on an album cover ever. There are no more… Just kidding, please add your favorite album cover dogs in the comments; I want to see them all.

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Machine Girl - Wlfgrl

Given the title of this album, the animal captured on Machine Girl’s breakthrough album may very well be a wolf. Regardless, it does not look friendly and is not an animal I would want anywhere near me. 0/10

21 Savage, Offset & Metro Boomin - Without Warning

Not a happy dog, and I wouldn’t be happy to be around him. 1/10

Blur – Parklife

Here they come, barreling towards you, driven by some unknowable primordial force and the taste for victory. I think greyhounds are pretty cool, but any time you see a muzzle on a dog, that signals at least some level of un-cuddliness. Also, minus points for being British. 2/10

Joyce Manor - Cody

I wonder what the dietary information is on a mannequin head. 2/10

Rick Springfield - Working Class Dog

A prisoner of capitalism. One album later, the same dog can be seen riding in the back of a limousine flanked by two girl dogs. He may claim, as the title reads, “success hasn’t spoiled me yet,” but the smile on his face has noticeably faded. Money won’t bring you happiness, Rick Springfield dog, I can promise you that. 2/10

Weezer - Raditude

Sometimes a boy’s just gotta fly. He probably just heard “(If You’re Wondering If I Want You To) I Want You To” and got all hyped up. We’ve all been there, right? I would like to vacation in this home, but I don’t know if I could deal with the energy level of this particular dog. 3/10

Nouns - still bummed

Something about this dog has always unsettled me. Maybe it’s the underexposed flash film photography, the modest Christmas tree in the background, or the music itself, but I’ve never been a fan. Plus, huskies always remind me of this meme dog. 3/10

Rush – Signals

Not to go all “Cruella” on you guys, but I once heard that Dalmatians are bad with kids, and that turned me off of them forever. Not even a good Rush album. 4/10

Snoop Dogg - Bush

Look, I know there’s probably a more-famous Snoop Dogg cover you were expecting to see on this list, but Bush is a fun little funk record that’s worth checking out. This is also markedly less horny album cover than Doggystyle, and this is a WHOLESOME list, so I’m opting for Bush. The ideal listening (and dog petting) scenario is nearby a BBQ on a hot summer day with some beers in hand. 5/10

Mogwai - Travel is Dangerous

This is my baby Yoda. The live version of “We’re No Here” is crushingly heavy and one of my favorite songs of all time; please go listen. 5/10

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SUB-CATEGORY: CARTOON GUYS

We’re roughly halfway through our countdown, so let’s take a break from the real dogs to look at some fake dogs. I’m putting all these illustrated guys into their own category because they’re still dogs but deserve to be analyzed with slightly different criteria. 

In terms of the physical action of petting, would I be petting a 2D approximation of these dogs? Would I myself be 2D? Would it be a Roger Rabbit-style cartoon-into-real-world logic? As you can see, we must look at these boys slightly differently and rank them accordingly. Still scored based on cuteness and overall petability. 

Mannequin Pussy - Perfect

I can see why Mannequin Pussy chose this dog as the cover for their awesome EP from last year. It’s a rager of a punk release, and this snarling German Shepard embodies the music well. This all said, cartoon or not, I’d like to keep this dog far away from me. 1/10

Iron & Wine - The Shepherd's Dog

Freaky little dog with freaky little eyes. Honestly would probably put me to sleep just like this album. 2/10

Crywank - Tomorrow Is Nearly Yesterday And Everyday Is Stupid

Here we see a certified looooong boy having achieved Dog Nirvana. I’ll let him enjoy victory over his tail and not disrupt him with my pets or adoration. 3/10

Car Seat Headrest - Twin Fantasy

Long before I knew anything about Will Toledo’s life as a furry, I thought this album cover was just a veiled homage to Daniel Johnston. I’d offer to pet these dogs, but honestly, it seems like they’re comforting each other just fine. 4/10

Hovvdy - Easy/Turns Blue

Technically a single, so technically a dog 5/10

Newgrounds Death Rugby - Pictures of Your Pets

No idea where these guys are, what they’re wearing, or why they're posing for a picture, but I can only imagine they’re a good hang. I’d let them crash on my couch while backpacking across the country. 6/10

Mo Troper - Dilettante

A vibrant and multi-colored dog. Truth be told, I don’t know quite what’s going on here, but the abstractness kinda adds to the charm. If I owned this dog, I’d name him Schlorp. 7/10

TTNG  - Animals

A landmark math rock album in which a group of five British men attempt to replicate the energy of 13 various animals across as many tracks. While the dog only may be one small piece of this album and its art, it’s hard to deny how small and cute this guy is. Plus, if he can coexist alongside an alligator, elk, baboon, and more, you just know he’s a stone-cold chiller. 8/10

Various Artists - No Earbudz Vol. 1

Look, ain't no rules says a dog can't play basketball. There also aren’t any rules that a PR company can’t put out one of the best compilations of 2021. Assisting in album campaigns for the likes of Bartees Strange, Into It Over It, Future Teens, Caracara, and more, No Earbuds is a killer organization that’s home to some of the best and brightest minds in emotional indie rock. Having all these artists cover each other was a stroke of genius. Here’s hoping we get a Vol. 2 someday. Very petable, very good. 9/10

Advance Base - Animal Companionship

Regal, majestic, pure. These are just a few of the words that come to mind when I look at the dog on the cover of Animal Companionship. He might be a little cold, but I’d gladly let him inside and allow him to warm up by the fire. Also, possibly my favorite album on this list besides TTNG. 10/10

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Okay, that about covers us for the two-dimensional dogs. Now, back to your regularly-scheduled dog ranking…

Alex G - Trick

Look at him go. He may have grown up in a religious environment, but you can just tell that this German Shepherd knows how to party. 6/10

Phoebe Bridgers - Stranger In The Alps

In Phoebe Bridgers’ first (and, in my opinion, best) album, we take in an image that, much like her music, is equal parts haunting and charming. Set on a pastoral farm scene, a scratched-out cartoon ghost obscures the humanoid figure beneath. A rainbow breaks through the sky, dog nearby, cautiously surveying the scene and looking damn cute while doing it. Phoebe has also posted a cool unedited version on Instagram, which is great for all your Deluxe Edition needs. 6/10

Hot Mulligan - you’ll be fine

Me? Depressed. Emotionless. Existing, but not feeling. My dog? Luckily my dog feels everything. We both take in the endless expanse of nature listening to the post-emo of you’ll be fine, and for 31 minutes, it seems like things might just turn out okay. 6/10

Pet Symmetry - Pets Hounds

Floppy-ass ears and big hangin’ tongues, what else could you want in an animal? I just know these dogs would be down for a couple of hours of fetch and a long rest on the front porch afterward. 7/10

Jimmy Mayo - Whoops

Boop. Oh, sorry, I didn’t see ya there. In what feels like the tonal inverse of the Nouns dog, here we have a warm but just-as-out-of-focus pic of a pup on the cover of one of the most underrated and under-the-radar emo EPs of the past few years. 7/10

See Through Person - Chariot

Another great emo dog. He’s chillin’, you’re chillin’, life is good, and the riffs are twinkly. 7/10

Kate Bush - Hounds of Love

The Stranger Things lady? Cool! All kidding aside, I’m happy for Kate Bush and the legions of Gen Z fans she’s recently attained. I’m even happier to report that the titular hounds on Hounds of Love appear infinitely cuddle-able. In fact, the album cover acts as undeniable proof of that fact. 8/10

Pet Symmetry - Two Songs About Cars. Two Songs With Long Titles.

Whoa, boom, second entry from the same band on one list! Pet Symmetry is easily taking home the “most dog-friendly band” award. They must have been trying to make this a theme in the band’s early days, and how could you deny them when you look at a dog this cute? A wonderful boy that I would drive to the dog park any day of the week. 8/10

Little Big League - Tropical Jinx

Michelle Zauner, mustaches, and a singular fluffy pup snuggled in between them. What else could you possibly need? 9/10

Beck – Odelay

One of the types of dogs. I’ve always wanted to pet him. I’ve always wanted to see him on a windy day. I’ve always wanted to see him do everything. 10/10

Shelley FKA DRAM - Big Baby DRAM

Damn, look at DRAM. Look at that pup. This image radiates happiness in a way that few album covers ever do. A perfect composition. 10/10

I Tried Weezify So You Don't Have To

On January 31st, the year of our lord 2022, the infinitely reputable Louder published a reality-shattering sentence onto the internet; Weezer’s Rivers Cuomo has built his own "Spotify-like player" known as Weezify. I read the headline multiple times, ensuring I was interpreting it correctly. I knew all those words, but I’ve never seen them arranged in such a way. Does this really mean what I think it means? 

This news was coming hot on the heels of musical titans like Neil Young and Joni Mitchell pulling their music off Spotify in the wake of the platform actively spreading anti-vaccine information. Elsewhere, Kanye West announced that his proprietary Stem Player hardware would be the only way to listen to his upcoming Donda 2. The music industry was shifting at speeds we’d never seen before. 

Artists are now beginning to realize that the negotiating power lies in their hands. They are the creators; platforms like Spotify and Apple Music are merely leeches that profit off their countless hours of hard work and years of honed craft. Much like the Starbucks workers unionizing and the Kellogg’s employees striking for better pay, we are collectively realizing the power we have in mutual support of each other. The pandemic has taught us many things as a society, but one of the more optimistic takeaways is discovering the strength we have in solidarity. Similarly, artists are clearly unhappy with the bill of goods they had been sold and are rightfully looking for alternatives. It’s time for innovation, true innovation. Enter Weezify. 

The proposition was simple. “Tired of Spotify? Come on over to Weezify.” Weezer frontman Rivers Cuomo tweeted along with links to the Apple App Store, Google Play Store, and his personal website. How could I say no to that? Every day I wake up and listen to the 15-hour Weezer Discography playlist top to bottom; you mean to tell me that I can get this content somewhere else??

While many people (including myself) foolishly thought this was a goof or simply too good to be true, my curiosity got the better of me, and I soon found myself reluctantly clicking the link to the App Store. I stared at the app page for a minute as if I were standing outside the gates of heaven. “Be not afraid,” the icon seemingly whispered to me as I clicked the download button almost without thinking. 

Upon launching Weezify, you’re immediately greeted with a login screen. Still unsure if this was a legitimate app or just something designed to steal my social security information, I sheepishly clicked “Maybe later,” hoping that my fence-sitting response wouldn’t be reported directly to Mr. Cuomo himself. I am a Weezer Believer, but I also grew up in the era of computer viruses and Rickrolls, so I still have to follow my internet street smarts.

After clearing that screen, the app dumps the user directly into its “Player” tab, which I stared at for a good minute until I soon became crushed when I realized that it wasn’t going to load. A constantly-swirling blue loading icon taunted me, beckoning to the wild treasures that might hide behind it. My mind was racing.

Dismayed but not deterred, I clicked over to the “Profile” tab to work my way through the app left to right. I was informed that I was a “Lurker” as I stared at my profile picture: a Rivers Cuomo Funko Pop which sat perched atop a quote from “Surf Wax America.” Again, the app encouraged me to sign up or log in. Not yet, Rivers, you temptress. 

With the image of the cold, dead eyes of a Rivers Cuomo Pop Fig freshly burned into my mind, I clicked onto the “Market” tab and suddenly found myself face to face with… this.

Rivers Cuomo jump scare.

I howled. I recoiled. I don’t know what I expected to find on this page, but it was not a bowtie-clad Rivers Cuomo selfie staring me down. 

The top of the screen informed me that I own 0 of 12 bundles and 0 of 3236 demos. Three thousand two hundred and thirty-six demos. That’s enough Weezer to gorge yourself. That’s enough Weezer for a lifetime. That’s enough Weezer to bring you to your deathbed. 

I clicked on the selfie almost instinctively. It’s one of those moments where life has led you down a path, and you know what you must do. You can turn tail and run, but some divine being has led you to this moment, and you can decide to either press your thumb down gently upon Rivers Cuomo’s face, or you can deny yourself the experience that life has set out before you. 

A popup appeared with a slightly wider crop of the same photo and a description that reads, “New hope with our singing with Jonathan Daniel. Jake was a big influence.” Below that laid a series of confounding numbers. 

-2
-3
-4
-5
1-4-2-5 @126_2015_3_9_13_9_12
1-5-4
@771I_want_down_time_2015_2_23_17_23
116._one_time_2015_2_25_13_52_22

What is this? Some kind of code? Coordinates? A sleeper agent activation phrase? I was scared. 

Suddenly, audio began to emanate from my phone. I heard a Weezer song being played from a computer as Rivers Cuomo himself harmonized with the tune. Seemingly playing these tracks off of his personal speakers, Rivers clicked through various White Album-era demos and gave some background to the band’s recording process at the time. He rifled through the files, filled with wonder spurred by individual rarities and alternate melodies. It’s the same energy that I have while scrolling through my mp3 library, clicking on a half-dozen different tracks before landing on what I actually want to listen to. The difference here being that this was a man listening to his own songs. He sang along softly at various points before clicking feverishly onto the next file. After shuffling through various White Album oddities for a few unstructured minutes, he sighs, comes back to his senses, and unceremoniously says “alright… bye,” and then the recording ends. 

Slightly disoriented, I soon began to understand; each of these bundles had an “introduction” where Rivers himself gave some contextual background information on the specific era of the band and then encouraged you to purchase. Those numbers, coordinates, and inexplicable characters were individual tracks, all of which contribute to the collective 3-thousand-plus songs contained within the app. Whew. 

Rivers is no stranger to demos; his series of Alone albums from 2007, 2008, and 2011 gave a peek into the band’s early years and Cuomo’s specific creative process. This app is the slightly-illogical continuation of this, with thousands of demos available for Weezer superfans who want to fill every hour of every day with weird slightly-unpolished Weezer recordings unheard by most of the general population. 

With 12 bundles at $9 a pop (and one inexplicably priced at $10), that means you can currently have access to the entirety of the Weezer demo oeuvre for the low, low price of $109. How can one possibly say no to that?

In all seriousness, Weezify is a rough-around-the-edges app built for a bafflingly-small niche group of super fans. Is Weezify the answer to every intricacy of the Streaming Debate? Yes, it is. Will it replace Spotify? Also yes. Will I spend every waking hour of my life listening to things like “TechnoProgressions1 i VII VI iv”? Yes, I will. Thank you, Rivers Cuomo, for the one ethical musical streaming app, nay, company to ever have existed. 

Ranking Every Level in Guitar Hero II Based on How Clean I Think Their Bathrooms Would Be

It’s been a while since I’ve published a long-form shitpost listicle, so here ya go. This one is exactly what it sounds like; every venue from the 2006 video game Guitar Hero II rated by how clean I think their bathrooms would be. For the full effect, listen along to the soundtrack while reading to envision it all properly.

Nilbog High School - Midwest, USA

Allegedly based on the Hartland Performing Arts Center in Howell, MI, if Nilbog is anything like Bled Fest, then the bathrooms are plentiful and relatively well-kept. Possibly one or two clogs throughout the grounds and most likely a handful that have run out of paper towels, but the sheer number of bathrooms make up for the few that have fallen into disrepair. 7/10.

The Rat Cellar Pub - Boston, MA

Absolute shithole. You know the beers cost like $2 here, and the bathroom reeks of PBR and piss on a good day. I’d bet $100 that the stalls here don’t have doors, so I hope you’re not shit shy. They probably have more stickers on the bathroom walls than passing health inspector grades. 2/10.

The Blackout Bar - Providence, RI

The Blackout Bar feels like a pretty standard midsized bar venue. They’re committed to a color scheme, which I always appreciate. The bathrooms are probably serviceable, if not a little coke-dusted.  The ground is slightly damp, but if you don’t think too hard about it, you can almost convince yourself it’s because they just mopped in there. You can still hear the band pretty well while doing your business, so that’s always a bonus. 6/10.

The RedOctane Club - Brooklyn, NY

An imagined theater named after a video game developer? You just know they have Doritos available as concessions. Name aside, I can almost guarantee an excellent bathroom experience. They definitely have nice, wide stalls, fresh urinal cakes, and hand-sensors on the sinks. The only downside is that it’s probably a bit of a hike from the stage to get to the restrooms at the back of the venue. 8/10.

The Rock City Theater -  Detroit, MI

Seemingly modeled after the Fox Theatre in downtown Detroit, I know exactly what the bathrooms in The Rock City Theater look like. There’s a checker tile pattern on the floor, a bathroom attendant hocking mints, and plumbing that’s older than most of the acts that play there. Outside of the spacious bathroom design, the number of stalls means that there is almost always a line snaking out the arched doorway, and for that, I must deduct several points. 5/10.

The Vans Warped Tour - Austin, TX

Even if you’ve never been to Warped Tour, you’ve probably attended an outdoor festival, so you know what to expect. The bathrooms are just a series of four dozen portapotties tucked away somewhere on the festival grounds. The only way to clean yourself is either with a squirt of hand sanitizer or one of those weird outdoor pump-style sinks. This setup is fine as long as you use the bathroom within the first few hours of doors, but they fill up with human waste so fast that you must prepare for the worst and use them only out of desperation at a certain point. Plus, this is in Texas? Hot southern weather and festival portapotties are a combination straight out of hell. 1/10.

Harmonix Arena - Oakland, CA

Based on its location in Oakland, it’s safe to assume that the Harmonix Area was crafted in the image of the Oracle Arena. These places are quite literally designed for hordes of people swilling $13 beers and pissing en-masse. They have enough urinals for an army, and I respect that. The restrooms often have basic designs and are dotted throughout the area, so you’re never too far from relief if needed. Plus, most of the bathrooms deposit you straight back to the vendor areas, so you can empty your bladder and refill your beer in one hyper-efficient trip. Definitely a solid setup. 9/10.

Stonehenge - England

Following the grand tradition of ornate and increasingly mystical final levels, Guitar Hero II ends in Stonehenge. While I’d like to assume this would be a standard outdoor show portapotty setup, Stonehenge is technically a prehistoric monument. I could see them now allowing the go-to festival setup in order to preserve the sanctity of the grounds. So, worst case, this is kind of like a hiking trail “just hold it” situation, or people are just goin’ for it in nature. Freeing as this can be, in almost any case, it means that the bathroom setup is lacking. I guess it would kinda be worth it to see a UFO synch its lights up to a performance of “Free Bird,” but that’s a long way to go for all the holding in you’d have to do. 4/10.

Young Thug Can't Stop Rapping About His Glasses

I’m gonna let you guys in on a little secret, the most successful posts on this website aren’t the long-form dissertations, the nostalgic countdowns, or even the loving album reviews. No, the reality is, the most viewed articles on this site are consistently the most stupid ones. I’m talking about that time that I compiled every time 21 Savage talked about food on his debut album. I’m talking about the time I analytically broke down every reference Lil Pump has made to the elderly. I’m talking about when I listed out the (shockingly-high) number of times that Offset has name-dropped Patek Philippe. 

I don’t know if these posts succeeded due to some unintended SEO magic on my part, or I have a silent sleeper cell of fans who enjoy what essentially amounts to long-form hip-hop shitposts. Either way, my brain can only handle so much of that intentionally-stupid writing style before it starts to self-immolate in protest, so I tend to do it in very select bursts. That said, every once in a while I like to take a break from “serious posts” to talk about something abjectly stupid, and today is one of those days because I have important news to share with you all: Young Thug is obsessed with his glasses.

Yes friends, shocking, I know… world-shattering even, but I’ve listened to enough Young Thug over the years to pick up on this startling phenomenon. Whether intentional or not, Young Thug has made spectacles an artistic throughline in his music the same way that some other rappers might rep their cities or romanticize their drug of choice. Sure, glasses are essentially an extension of bragging about expensive jewelry or other fashion accessories, but it’s the consistency with which Thug relies on this device that’s notable here. Below you’ll find no less than a dozen references to glasses penned by the artist born Jeffery Lamar Williams. I hope your vision is good and you’re ready to be called a nerd, because we’re through the looking glass here, people. Let’s begin.

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“Stoner” (2013)

Fittingly, Young Thug’s first recorded reference to his glasses can be found on the song that initially put him on the map: 2013’s “Stoner.” I’ll be honest, I have no idea what this line means, but that doesn’t stop it from going any less hard. 

“Tell Nobody No” (2014)

Gucci Mane’s co-sign was an important milestone in the early stages of Thug’s career. While Young Thugga Mane La Flare legitimized Thug as an up-and-coming trap star, it also marked the beginning of Thug’s optical obsession: marking the second instance of this lyrical crutch. With this line, Thug manages to allude to his wealth with a fashion-forward Chrome Hearts name-drop (glasses that typically run about $1,000) and doubly-flexes with the fact that they make him look like a nerd but elaborating that he doesn’t particularly care. 

“Can’t Tell” (2015)

One is an example, two is a coincidence, but three is a trend. Barter 6 was a landmark album in Thug’s career that finally made his style click for thousands, if not millions of people. This line, in particular, glorifies Thug’s glasses to a point where they possess an almost Superman-like quality that allows him to accurately disguise his identity.

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Everything seemed to be going right for Thug in early 2015. He successfully used the momentum of “Stoner” to drop a tape with Gucci Mane, he proved himself versatile in a wildly-successful collab with Rich Homie Quan, and his major-label debut received glowing reviews from both the press and his budding fanbase alike. Young Thug was doing everything right, and it was truly shaping up to be his year. 

Sometime in May of 2015, right as Young Thug seemed to be at the height of his exploding popularity, over one hundred of his songs leaked online. While leaks of any sort tend to do more harm than good, a leak of this size was unprecedented and represented a massive blow to Thug’s momentum at the time. While it certainly impacted the rest of his year, Young Thug’s indomitable spirit managed to shine through, and he decided to make the best of things. This leak led to the release of a series of fantastic mixtapes in Slime Season that allowed Thug to collect the best of this material and polish it up for public consumption. Most importantly, this leak also exposed Thug’s continuing eyewear obsession, as I’m about to highlight.

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“No Way” (2015)

While this is almost certainly one of his weakest glasses-related lyrics, the phase “big-time glasses” is a hilarious (if not flat-footed) way for Thug to segue into money talk.

“Crime Stoppers” (2015)

On this early collaboration with Migos (a part of the long-rumored MigosThuggin collaborative tape), this line calls back to Thug’s Chrome Hearts purchase while also drawing a playful connection to one of the most famous glasses wearers of all time: Harry Potter.

“Calling Your Name” (2015)

It was around this time that Thug truly began to lean into the lyrical absurdity and over-the-top sexual references he later became known for. Undeniably a standout from the first entry of the Slime Season series, this line turns the lens away from Thug and onto the listener questioning whether or not they have any vision problems. Truly fourth-wall-breaking poetry.

“Scoop” (2016)

Young Thug is nothing without his glasses. Not only do they help him see, they’re practically a source of power, confidence, and self-worth. They help him accomplish his goals and pursue his dreams, whether that be money, women, or success. When Thug breaks out his glasses, that’s how you know things are about to get serious.  

“Far Away” (2016)

Almost more of a checklist than a flex, these lines allude to Thug’s gang affiliations and taste for expensive glasses all in the same breath. A breathtaking economy of words.

“Say” (2016)

Much like “Scoop,” in this line Thug’s glasses are a conduit to an almost superhuman ability, serving as the psychological framework through which he views the world, or in this case, judges someone’s character to be untrustworthy. 

“Daddy’s Birthday” (2017)

It appears that Thug has moved on from name-dopping his Chrome Hearts to his new Celines. Here the ad-libs support his fixation with glasses as he pleads with some unknown force that all he wants are his glasses. Here we see Thug in his raw, most spiritually-crushed state as he recognizes the one thing in this mortal world that genuinely brings him pleasure.

“Three” (2017)

Much like “Can’t Tell” from two years prior, this collab between Young Thug and Future finds Thug shaming himself for feeling like a nerd for wearing glasses. Maybe he’s a self-hating glasses wearer, motivated by some deep-seated shame or psychological trauma, or perhaps he’s saying his outward nerdiness doesn’t even matter because he’s still achieving success in life and finances regardless of that fact.

“Anybody” (2018)

In a double-flex, Thug gives us a fashion-forward fit check from the Maison Margiela shoes on his feet to the Farrakhan glasses on his head. It’s a clever way to give a quick overview of his high-fashion choices while also tossing off two quick references to how much his average outfit would cost (allowing the listener to fill in the blanks with equally-priced pieces).

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There you have it, folks; one dozen references to glasses stretched across half a decade and nearly a dozen releases. Thug has always been a polarizing fixture in the rap landscape, but as his continued success paved the way for billboard smash hits, #1 albums, and new artistic heights, it’s important to recognize the successes that led him to where he is now. We simply cannot lose sight of Thug, nor his glasses obsession, lest we be just as blind as him.

Swim Into The Soup's Ultimate Soup Ranking

In one month Swim Into The Sound will celebrate its fifth anniversary, and it honestly feels like it’s time for a refresh. Like, sure, music is cool, but I think that staying flexible and true to myself is more important than anything. With that in mind, I’m excited to announce that I’m going to pivot this site to reflect my real passion: soup.

That’s right folks, soup. I love soup. It’s the most versatile food. It comes in so many different flavors and consistencies, there’s honestly something for everyone. As our inaugural piece of soup-related content, I’m proud to present Swim Into The Soup’s Ultimate Soup Ranking: the definitive and inarguable list of the best soups ordered from worst to best. I hope you enjoy this innovative new content and future direction of the site. I appreciate your understanding and continued support.  

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5 | Cream of Mushroom Soup

Look, I don’t really mind the taste of mushroom, but it’s the consistency of the vegetable that I can’t stand. If I’m being objective, I recognize that Cream of Mushroom Soup isn’t the worst, it’s just not for me. 

4 | Clam Chowder

I know what you’re thinking ‘Taylor, chowder isn’t a soup!’ well, that’s where you’re wrong, bucko. Typically I’m not a big fan of seafood, but as someone who grew up close to the coast for their entire childhood, I have a soft spot in my heart for a good, chunky Clam Chowder.

3 | Chicken Noodle Soup

Chicken Noodle Soup is a true OG in the soup game. It’s an undeniable classic and for a good reason. Beloved by children, the elderly, and sick people alike, there’s absolutely no argument you can make against Chicken Noodle Soup without looking like a heartless lunatic. Truly a cornerstone of the Soup World.

2 | Chicken Tortilla Soup

Sometimes you’re looking for a bit more zest, and that’s precisely where Chicken Tortilla Soup comes in. There are few things more satisfying than a piping hot bowl of Chicken Tortilla Soup with the perfect balance of beans, meat, and soup topped off with a pinch of shredded cheese and an avocado slice. Chicken Tortilla is admittedly a bit more exotic (and thus may not be for everyone), but at the end of the day, it’s hard to deny.

1 | Tomato Soup

Simple, hearty, tasty, and classic. Tomato Soup is THAT soup. It has range; it can be made perfectly light and soupy or thick as a bisque. It has versatility; you can pair it with a salad, naan, or the classic saltine, the possibilities are literally endless. And don’t even get me started about dipping a slice of grilled cheese in it. That’s what heaven is. When it all comes together, tomato soup is a hearty, humble, and flexible soup that has worked hard to earn its spot as the king of soup.