Decisiveness and Consumption

I’m starting to realize that being an adult means being more decisive. Sure, there’s paying bills, and grocery shopping, and making sure your toothbrush is charged, but on a conceptual level, being an adult often comes down to knowing what you want and going for it. I do not feel like an adult. I know what I want in a general sense, but the problem is that I need a concrete way to get there. I want to write (hey, I’m doing that right now, mission accomplished) but even that is fraught with opportunities to be indecisive. I feel like there is almost always a better way to say what I’m trying to say. I second guess every word and feel like there is always room for improvement. I’m paralyzed by choice in life and in my profession.

Aside from that indecisiveness, it’s also easy to get distracted. I can apply myself. I can go like a workhorse, but as soon as I hit a wall (which could be as minor as a single word) my mind fades to other things. Can’t figure out the next word in this sentence? …. time to browse reddit. Not sure how to wrap this up? … time to update the metadata in my iTunes library. I can distract myself with the most menial tasks because they are easier than trying to tackle that frustration.

No that a single word ever stops me in my tracks for an extended period of time, but it’s more that it’s so much easier to consume than to create. It’s so easy to create something bad. Or corny. Or fake. Or untrue. So why not sit back and get fat mindlessly consuming the work of others? Failure is frightening, as is the future. I don’t know what comes next, but I hope I’ll be figure it out soon.